what to do when your boyfriend is shorter than you
My Swain is Shorter than Me and I Don't Intendance
A viral TikTok has a lot to teach usa most internalised misogyny
Before I met my swain, I couldn't imagine dating a shorter man. I ordinarily fell in love with tall men — if I wanted to kiss them, I had to stand on my toes.
And that'south what women usually seem to want, isn't it? Every time I sentry the Uk reality TV prove Love Island, the consensus is more than clear: desirable men are alpine, dark and handsome.
This phenomenon kind of makes sense because men are on boilerplate taller than women. The average male in the United states of america is 1,77 meters tall, while the average female is ane,63. This means that most women are paired up with men that are taller than them. The stereotype resulting from this is cocky-explanatory.
However, women don't want tall men just because they're most likely going to engagement one, statistically speaking. After discussing this effect with multiple female friends, I've realised the problem isn't almost women accepting that most men are taller. It's about women refusing to appointment men that are shorter, no matter how handsome or astonishing they are.
This goes mode across statistics. It's fourth dimension to face internalised misogyny.
This viral TikTok has a lot to teach us
Yesterday, I stumbled upon a viral TikTok that made me laugh because it reminded me of my ain state of affairs.
Abbie and her husband brand for a beautiful couple, and but like with my own relationship, it would accept been a shame if Abbie hadn't overcome her prejudice and had ditched Josh Herbert because of his height.
This TikTok shows women all around the earth that they should throw prejudice out of the window and focus on qualities that are much more important than top. Abbie is standing alpine and proud next to her husband and manages to make her audition express joy and experience at ease in the procedure.
The video besides raises questions I've been asking myself for the longest time. Why are women and so set on never dating shorter men? Why do we need an amazing bonny short man to appear in our lives so he tin prove u.s.a. wrong, instead of just accepting that short men, in general, can be but as attractive as the tall ones?
I have thoughts.
E'er since you're born as a female person in our society, y'all're perceived as the weaker gender. Girls are led to exist quiet, nice, nonproblematic, sensitive. Boys, on the other hand, have their own issues to bargain with — they're laughed at for showing vulnerability and sadness and they're always told they need to "toughen up".
Weak and strong. Sensitive and cold-hearted. Quiet and loud. Caring and violent. Nurturing and ambitious. We assign ourselves adjectives after adjectives based on our gender, and every time you step over the line, you're in danger of existence socially persecuted.
A boy in a clothes? Non "manly".
A girl who hates dresses? A tomboy.
A woman who's tall and muscular? Not delicate enough. Not feminine enough.
And a man who's short? You guessed it.
We are terrified of non being frail enough
When I met my boyfriend for the first time, I thought he was gorgeous. We got on extremely well and I was looking forward to our second date. But I had my doubts.
"Will I be attracted to him even though he's shorter than me? Will I nonetheless feel safe, taken care of, elegant and feminine?" I was asking myself at the back of my heed.
I didn't let my fears deter me, and he ended upwards winning over every single man I'd ever dated when it comes to attraction. Turns out, I'm madly attracted to him, madly in dearest with him and he makes me experience like the most gorgeous woman on Earth.
What'southward more, I honey his masculinity. There's no toxicity in it, no unhealthy lack of self-esteem that could be a potential strain on the human relationship, no worries nigh his height whatsoever. He'south a beautiful human who is at peace with himself and he never feels "emasculated" adjacent to a taller woman.
Later, equally I started unpacking those doubts I'd had subsequently our start engagement, I realised how toxic and unhealthy my prejudice confronting short men was. Why did I demand his physical advent to make me feel "safety" or "taken care of" or "feminine"? Wasn't I all those things on my own? Why would I demand a man for that?
Well, when you're socialised into appearing weak, skinny and fragile your whole life, standing adjacent to a smaller homo can hands highlight insecurities yous didn't even know you had. Suddenly, your female ego is at take chances — can you still be a frail bloom when you're so much bigger than your partner?
And the answer is: Aye. Yes, y'all can be a fragile blossom no matter how alpine your partner is. His peak has no effect on your femininity whatsoever considering every woman is feminine in her own way.
But another, more important answer is: Do you even want to be ane? Why should women be delicate? Why should we be weak? Nosotros tin literally create life within ourselves then button it out while beingness in horrible pain for hours. Doesn't sound then weak to me.
I of the issues I come across here is that many women take internalised misogyny. It's sexist to expect u.s. to exist polished, skinny, made out of saccharide and to poop rainbows. Still because we grew upwards in a certain social club, that's what we stop up thinking nigh ourselves.
To quote the UMKC Women'south Center'south website:
"Information technology can be hard to identify internalized misogyny. Every bit independent every bit we think we may be, we take many preconceived notions about how a adult female should be that stalk from societal expectations and gender norms. Information technology is important to exist witting of this, and to exist conscious of your thoughts and ideas not only about other women but also in regards to yourself. Recall — empowered women empower women!"
I don't care that my boyfriend is shorter than me. My doubts weren't that immense to begin with — even though I had them, I was more curious than anything else — but many women I know struggle with this and deliberately reject shorter men.
Well, I'm here to tell yous that you don't need your human being to be big and stiff to feel feminine. It helps neither men, who experience even more pressured into appearing strong and protective and never showing whatever weakness, nor women.
Every woman is feminine in her own way. Femininity doesn't have to mean weakness, emotional turmoil or fragility. Femininity is strength, as well. So be your own adult female. Your insecurities are something to work on, not something to project on potential partners. Let'south end letting our society dictate to u.s.a. what a woman should be.
And mayhap requite curt men a chance. Many of them are lovely and make for excellent boyfriends. I speak from experience.
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